I had been fighting on a follow up novel to my first novel that had bombed. It was summer time and warm and sunny, but the birds did not sing for me. The money that was keeping me in food and whiskey was dwindling fast. I was at a crossroad, and instead of working on anything publishable, I was doodling on my notepad and looking at pictures of attractive girls on the Internet. That was how I found her. She was on one of those networking sites. I had come across her by accident and was in the process of talking to another girl when she messaged me. I answered reluctantly. She wanted to be my friend. I clicked on her profile and added her. It said single and twenty one, so I thought what the hell. We talked. We talked for hours. She told me her story and how she wanted to leave her husband and how she had told him, but how he hadnt took it so well. I said I understood. I had known a few of the types before–those guys that marry the first piece they ever come inside. I told her so but. I also fancied girls but I was even more timid and scared of the consequences of my desires towards them. My sexual CV at this point in my life was not a romantic one, I was still a virgin but I had given a few hand jobs, given one boy a blow job as a spin the bottle dare in an empty garage and I had been coerced into licking out my friend’s older sister. I didn’t realise it at the time but this would be my sexual destiny for many years to come and probably still is. I loved being the object of someone’s lusty desires and I wanted to live up to their expectations by giving them the pleasure they craved from me. It never registered with me at the time that I could also receive sexual pleasure but I guess I was driven by the need to impress them and submitting to their needs. I have no idea where or how it had originated but I had a fixation for performing oral sex on men and women but only when they made me do it to them, that was the key, I needed to feel that I was being coerced.
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